oh where to start my dear diary

the last 24hours has been hard on me.
i lost one of the best things thats ever happened to me.
it all happened so quick, we kinda jumped into the third step without any beginning. I have to admit that following the right orders 1-2-3 in a relationship is kinda smart - and i`ll remember that in the future.Without taking it any further,when it allready wasn`t working out to good - we talked about it and agreed on ending it.. it`s not only that we didnt have a normal start , but my feelings for him was a bit more stronger then what he felt for me.
I.. yeah, im sad and , and i have this ache in my chest. i so wanted it to work,cause i, i.. even if i didnt got the chance to get to know him proparly, i have feelings for him - and he`s such a great guy.
cliché,i know but hear me out ; he was worth every sec.of my time,and i dont regret it or have any negative feelings about him.I`m just sorry it didnt work out the way i hoped for.
But who knows.. maybe i end up with him some day after all?Strange thing: even if it`s over i still have this sparkle inside of me hoping for an happy ending .. with him,yeah.
I knoow, i know it`s an tragic and unhealthy thought.
yeah i`m a sad thing,
aint i to cry over.
i have so much feelings bubbeling up inside of me.. at this moment it feels like theres no meaning of life.everything is just so pointless.. like getting up this morning, or coming to school. yeah im at school now - impressed?yup, me 2. going to c my shrink afterwards.. or .. 13.40, so good timing that i had an apointment the day after the breakup. but i still dont get along with her yet, and i know that i cant hold my tears back.. but i guess ,crying in front of her, is like talking to a wall.think of me ,will u..
Erlend,my eldest brothers`s birthday is today. yiha, so i have to try to hang out with him tonight and do something nice.. but i think i can predict that i wont be the best company.